As you guys might know, next monday we will celebrate the International Day of the Woman. That's a pretty fair celebration we guys set for you women as a homage to all the things you girls do for us, and stuff.
Well, I'm pissed.
At the office, we guys are supposed to agree on the activities we'll set up for our women. That's what you would expect. That includes agreeing on the price we're to pay for that, and the things we choos for gifts.
I tend to see the office as a little state. I believe in democracy, and I believe that everyone's word is worth to hear. I'm an idiot!
While there are so many options, and so many restaurants, and so many people on the food business, they (3 guys of the office) decided what to eat, and wanted to make us pay more than USD $35 each, just because the food bussiness assisting the celebration belongs to the family of a work mate.
They made no comparison, they had no options, and they still wanted us to pay the sum. I hate that!
I hate when people try to see us as idiots. I hate when the processes are not made as they should be done. This is what we call here in Colombia: CHANCHULLO.
I think we all deserve to be heard, I think the choices have to be made on merits, and not because you're my aunt, my uncle, your friend, your mother and stuff.
I was not to permit that, so I started an email chain suggesting a cheaper plan for them. But, Burocracy won. The boss decided to pay 60% of the mate's family bussiness bill, and we still have to pay about USD 15.
Every man of the office owes me a 20 bucks!!!
Chanchulleros!!!!!!!!!!!
viernes, 5 de marzo de 2010
miércoles, 19 de diciembre de 2007
Mearse a goticas
Joeputa Vida! Que camello!
I recently bought a Toshiba Satellite (A205 S4577). It came with Windows Vista, and given that I'm a linux user (and a Microsoft hater) the first thing I did after unpacking was repartition the disk, obviously deleting Windows Vista.
Still I work with SAP. I'm what they call: "Technology Consultant SAP NetWeaver 2004s - Portal" (Recently Certified)... That means that when I bought the computer I still wasn't so, so I was studying hard to. The tool to study with is called JAVA SneakPreview and its license expires every 29 days. So I had to install a new Version of WinXP every month if I wanted to study a little bit more.
I did it twice, but monday, when I was about to do it for the third time the fucker didn't want to.
IT DIDN'T want to. I Inserted the WinXP disc and nothing happened. At first I thought it was the copy of Windows so I got a new one and tried. The same. I asked, asked and asked but nobody would say a word, much because they shouldn't have had a clue. The problem was very strange, I thought it was the DVD drive, but it wasn't since it was reading and writing perfectly. So I tried to install Vista with the restore DVD that came along with the laptop (which now on we'd refer to as 'the fucker') and it went perfectly.
I don't want to see my face when I realized that I wouldn't be able to install WinXP ever again due to a problem that still I ignore. If I called to Toshiba they'd simply say: "Your product is designed to work with Vista, we DON'T SUPPORT WinXP" and that was it.
But I didn't give up so I tried to install it one way and another. With no success by the way. I came up with the crazy idea of install it through qemu. My plan was this: Start qemu as a root and point the hda to the /dev/sda and the cdrom to my actual dvd /dev/cdrom. But the process hanged like before, so I used an image of the WinXP installation cd but got the same result. I, later, made a virtual disk and the thing worked leaving me no doubt about the cause of the error: the disk. Still Vista worked perfectly so I couldn't do nothing but come up with something.
Did I mention that the fucker plays no sound under any linux distro? If I didn't now I do as you can see in almost every forum.
But there is a solution for it.
Here I want to share it.
First, download and compile the lattest drives of alsa
create a directory with the name you want, I used alsa
# mkdir alsa
# rsync -avz --delete --exclude=.hg* rsync://alsa.alsa-project.org/hg alsa
Open alsa-driver
# ./hgcompile --with-cards=hda-intel --with-sequencer=yes
# make;make install
then alsa-lib
# ./hgcompile
#make;make install
Finally alsa-utils
# ./hgcompile
# make;make install
To the /etc/modules write:
lias char-major-116 snd
alias snd-card-0 snd-hda-intel
alias snd-card-1 snd-cmipci
options snd-cmipci id="first" mpu_port=0x330
alias char-major-14 soundcore
alias sound-slot-0 snd-card-0
# OSS/Free portion - card #1
alias sound-slot-0 snd-card-0
alias sound-service-0-0 snd-mixer-oss
alias sound-service-0-1 snd-seq-oss
alias sound-service-0-3 snd-pcm-oss
alias sound-service-0-8 snd-seq-oss
alias sound-service-0-12 snd-pcm-oss
# OSS/Free portion - card #2 (cmipci)
alias sound-slot-1 snd-card-1
alias sound-service-1-0 snd-mixer-oss
Then reboot the machine
IF YOU ARE LUCKY YOU SHOULD HAVE SOME SOUND NOW. Run alsaconf and follow directions. If alsaconf is not able to find your audio card, try this:
modprobe snd-hda-intel (provided that you compiled the kernel with that option as a module)
and run again alsaconf.
The whole thing took me like a day and a half to figure out so I was very excited when I hear sound.
Mearse a goticas: "Pee drop by drop" A expresion you use when someone's very excited for a given reason.
I recently bought a Toshiba Satellite (A205 S4577). It came with Windows Vista, and given that I'm a linux user (and a Microsoft hater) the first thing I did after unpacking was repartition the disk, obviously deleting Windows Vista.
Still I work with SAP. I'm what they call: "Technology Consultant SAP NetWeaver 2004s - Portal" (Recently Certified)... That means that when I bought the computer I still wasn't so, so I was studying hard to. The tool to study with is called JAVA SneakPreview and its license expires every 29 days. So I had to install a new Version of WinXP every month if I wanted to study a little bit more.
I did it twice, but monday, when I was about to do it for the third time the fucker didn't want to.
IT DIDN'T want to. I Inserted the WinXP disc and nothing happened. At first I thought it was the copy of Windows so I got a new one and tried. The same. I asked, asked and asked but nobody would say a word, much because they shouldn't have had a clue. The problem was very strange, I thought it was the DVD drive, but it wasn't since it was reading and writing perfectly. So I tried to install Vista with the restore DVD that came along with the laptop (which now on we'd refer to as 'the fucker') and it went perfectly.
I don't want to see my face when I realized that I wouldn't be able to install WinXP ever again due to a problem that still I ignore. If I called to Toshiba they'd simply say: "Your product is designed to work with Vista, we DON'T SUPPORT WinXP" and that was it.
But I didn't give up so I tried to install it one way and another. With no success by the way. I came up with the crazy idea of install it through qemu. My plan was this: Start qemu as a root and point the hda to the /dev/sda and the cdrom to my actual dvd /dev/cdrom. But the process hanged like before, so I used an image of the WinXP installation cd but got the same result. I, later, made a virtual disk and the thing worked leaving me no doubt about the cause of the error: the disk. Still Vista worked perfectly so I couldn't do nothing but come up with something.
Did I mention that the fucker plays no sound under any linux distro? If I didn't now I do as you can see in almost every forum.
But there is a solution for it.
Here I want to share it.
First, download and compile the lattest drives of alsa
create a directory with the name you want, I used alsa
# mkdir alsa
# rsync -avz --delete --exclude=.hg* rsync://alsa.alsa-project.org/hg alsa
Open alsa-driver
# ./hgcompile --with-cards=hda-intel --with-sequencer=yes
# make;make install
then alsa-lib
# ./hgcompile
#make;make install
Finally alsa-utils
# ./hgcompile
# make;make install
To the /etc/modules write:
lias char-major-116 snd
alias snd-card-0 snd-hda-intel
alias snd-card-1 snd-cmipci
options snd-cmipci id="first" mpu_port=0x330
alias char-major-14 soundcore
alias sound-slot-0 snd-card-0
# OSS/Free portion - card #1
alias sound-slot-0 snd-card-0
alias sound-service-0-0 snd-mixer-oss
alias sound-service-0-1 snd-seq-oss
alias sound-service-0-3 snd-pcm-oss
alias sound-service-0-8 snd-seq-oss
alias sound-service-0-12 snd-pcm-oss
# OSS/Free portion - card #2 (cmipci)
alias sound-slot-1 snd-card-1
alias sound-service-1-0 snd-mixer-oss
Then reboot the machine
IF YOU ARE LUCKY YOU SHOULD HAVE SOME SOUND NOW. Run alsaconf and follow directions. If alsaconf is not able to find your audio card, try this:
modprobe snd-hda-intel (provided that you compiled the kernel with that option as a module)
and run again alsaconf.
The whole thing took me like a day and a half to figure out so I was very excited when I hear sound.
Mearse a goticas: "Pee drop by drop" A expresion you use when someone's very excited for a given reason.
miércoles, 5 de septiembre de 2007
Vallenato for the rest of the world
Culpable de tu amor - Kaleth Morales
(Guilty for your loving me)
Hoy te pienso un poco más de lo normal
(Today I'm thinking of you a little bit more than what's normal)
¿Será porque hay un tanto más de amor en mí?
(is it because there is a little more of love in me?)
O será que se me hace insoportable el extrañarte junto a mí?
(or is it because I can't stand missing you by my side?)
Hoy colocaría a Dios de testigo de éste sincero amor
(Today I'd make God witness of this sincere love)
porque sólo Él y yo sabemos que es por tí que ahora soy tan feliz
(Because only He and I know that it's because of you that I'm so happy now)
Voy a convertir mis noches en canciones
(I'm gonna make songs out of my nights)
Que harán saber al mundo cuánto te ama este hombre
(They'll let the world know about how much this man loves you)
Que sólo piensa en complacerte en todo lo que quieras
(That only thinks about pleasing you in everything you want)
Suavemente doy dos vueltas en mi cama
(Slowly I toss and turn two times in my bed)
pensando en las caricias que mi mente guarda
(thinking about those times you touched me that are in my mind)
de aquellas tardes en que todo tu amor solías brindarme
(those afternoons when you used to give me all of your love)
Y ya necesito de un beso y de un millón de abrazos
(And now I'm in need of a kiss and a millon of hugs)
que hagan salir el fuego que ahora me está quemando
(that make the fire that's burning me now smoother)
Voy a convertir en noches mis canciones
(I'm gonna make songs out of my nights)
Que harán saber al mundo cuánto te ama este hombre
(They'll let the world now how much this man loves you)
Y que tan sólo piensa en complacerte en todo lo que quieras
(And that only thinks about pleasing you in everything you want)
Soy culpable de que sientas tanto amor
(It's my fault that you feel so much love)
porque con mil detalles yo te enamoré
(because I made you fall in love with a thousand details)
nunca temas porque eres correspondida
(never be afraid because I love you back)
yo siempre te lo demostré
(I've always shown that to you)
Una lágrima corre en mi rostro
(A tear streams down my face)
¿Será la soledad?
(is it because the solitude?)
que quiso reflejar que no estás junto a mí
(did she want to acknowledge that you're not by my side?)
te necesito aquí
(I need you here)
Voy a convencerte que hoy te quiero más
(I'm gonna convince you that I love you more today)
Me mata la presencia de tu soledad
(The fact of being lonely kills me)
Besos y abrazos que construimos juntos paso a paso
(Kisses and hugs that whe build together step by step)
Ven por Dios que pronto quiero estar contigo
(Come, honest to God I wanna be by your side soon)
viviendo los momentos que ya hemos vivido
(living the moments that we've already lived)
Sólo te digo, siento un amor que nunca había sentido
(I just let you know, I'm feeling a love that I never felt before)
Ayer le pregunté a la luna que cuánto tiempo falta
(Yesterday I asked the moon how long is it gonna be before we're together)
ella se hizo la muda, se fue y me dio la espalda
(She pretended to be mute, went away and gave me her back)
Voy a convertir mis noches en canciones
(I'm gonna make songs out of my nights)
Que harán saber al mundo cuánto te ama este hombre
(They'll let the world know about how much this man loves you)
Que sólo piensa en complacerte en todo lo que quieras
(That only thinks about pleasing you in everything you want)
Suavemente doy dos vueltas en mi cama
(Slowly I toss and turn two times in my bed)
pensando en las caricias que mi mente guarda
(thinking about those times you touched me that are in my mind)
de aquellas tardes en que todo tu amor solías brindarme
(those afternoons when you used to give me all of your love)
Voy a convertir mis noches en canciones
(I'm gonna make songs out of my nights)
Que harán saber al mundo cuánto te ama este hombre
(They'll let the world know about how much this man loves you)
Que sólo piensa en complacerte en todo lo que quieras
(That only thinks about pleasing you in everything you want)
(Guilty for your loving me)
Hoy te pienso un poco más de lo normal
(Today I'm thinking of you a little bit more than what's normal)
¿Será porque hay un tanto más de amor en mí?
(is it because there is a little more of love in me?)
O será que se me hace insoportable el extrañarte junto a mí?
(or is it because I can't stand missing you by my side?)
Hoy colocaría a Dios de testigo de éste sincero amor
(Today I'd make God witness of this sincere love)
porque sólo Él y yo sabemos que es por tí que ahora soy tan feliz
(Because only He and I know that it's because of you that I'm so happy now)
Voy a convertir mis noches en canciones
(I'm gonna make songs out of my nights)
Que harán saber al mundo cuánto te ama este hombre
(They'll let the world know about how much this man loves you)
Que sólo piensa en complacerte en todo lo que quieras
(That only thinks about pleasing you in everything you want)
Suavemente doy dos vueltas en mi cama
(Slowly I toss and turn two times in my bed)
pensando en las caricias que mi mente guarda
(thinking about those times you touched me that are in my mind)
de aquellas tardes en que todo tu amor solías brindarme
(those afternoons when you used to give me all of your love)
Y ya necesito de un beso y de un millón de abrazos
(And now I'm in need of a kiss and a millon of hugs)
que hagan salir el fuego que ahora me está quemando
(that make the fire that's burning me now smoother)
Voy a convertir en noches mis canciones
(I'm gonna make songs out of my nights)
Que harán saber al mundo cuánto te ama este hombre
(They'll let the world now how much this man loves you)
Y que tan sólo piensa en complacerte en todo lo que quieras
(And that only thinks about pleasing you in everything you want)
Soy culpable de que sientas tanto amor
(It's my fault that you feel so much love)
porque con mil detalles yo te enamoré
(because I made you fall in love with a thousand details)
nunca temas porque eres correspondida
(never be afraid because I love you back)
yo siempre te lo demostré
(I've always shown that to you)
Una lágrima corre en mi rostro
(A tear streams down my face)
¿Será la soledad?
(is it because the solitude?)
que quiso reflejar que no estás junto a mí
(did she want to acknowledge that you're not by my side?)
te necesito aquí
(I need you here)
Voy a convencerte que hoy te quiero más
(I'm gonna convince you that I love you more today)
Me mata la presencia de tu soledad
(The fact of being lonely kills me)
Besos y abrazos que construimos juntos paso a paso
(Kisses and hugs that whe build together step by step)
Ven por Dios que pronto quiero estar contigo
(Come, honest to God I wanna be by your side soon)
viviendo los momentos que ya hemos vivido
(living the moments that we've already lived)
Sólo te digo, siento un amor que nunca había sentido
(I just let you know, I'm feeling a love that I never felt before)
Ayer le pregunté a la luna que cuánto tiempo falta
(Yesterday I asked the moon how long is it gonna be before we're together)
ella se hizo la muda, se fue y me dio la espalda
(She pretended to be mute, went away and gave me her back)
Voy a convertir mis noches en canciones
(I'm gonna make songs out of my nights)
Que harán saber al mundo cuánto te ama este hombre
(They'll let the world know about how much this man loves you)
Que sólo piensa en complacerte en todo lo que quieras
(That only thinks about pleasing you in everything you want)
Suavemente doy dos vueltas en mi cama
(Slowly I toss and turn two times in my bed)
pensando en las caricias que mi mente guarda
(thinking about those times you touched me that are in my mind)
de aquellas tardes en que todo tu amor solías brindarme
(those afternoons when you used to give me all of your love)
Voy a convertir mis noches en canciones
(I'm gonna make songs out of my nights)
Que harán saber al mundo cuánto te ama este hombre
(They'll let the world know about how much this man loves you)
Que sólo piensa en complacerte en todo lo que quieras
(That only thinks about pleasing you in everything you want)
miércoles, 8 de agosto de 2007
De malas
Unfortunate Event Series
You might remeber mi Que camello post.
God, I don't know why I still use Debian. I really don't know. Man, I'm a gay man. Gay people like things quick and easy. LOL. But that would be part of another post.
The other day there at the office they bought an IBM x3650 Server. (Drool like Homer Simpson) [Unfortunate Event #1]. A coworker of mine insisted in installing Debian [Unfortunate event #2]. The main purpose of that machine was training and development. But since the tools that we need to are not supported by debian we decided to vertualiza machines in order to keep all the data separated and consistent "machines" to work in. [Unfortunate Event #3]. Then someone acknowledged that VMWare was one of the best tools to virtualize machines [Unfortunate Event #4]. We needed to virtualize three machines. One with 3GB of RAM, the other with 2GB and the other one with 512 Mb. [Unfortunate Event #5]. WmWare turned out not being able to support a total amount of memory greater than 4Gb. [Unfortunate event #6]. So, I decided to virtualize with VmWare the first and the third. I decided to use QEmuto virtualize the other. [Unfortunate Event #7]. Qemu is pure garbage when it comes to virtualize Windows. Let alone a server. [Unfortunate Event #8]. Everybody was pressing. So I decided on XEN. [Unfortunate Event #9]. Since I had no experience with it [Unfortunate Event #10] I started to read first. Then I downloaded the packages, including the relevant kernels [Unfortunate Event #11]. When I had finally managed to configure it, after a thousand minutes I started a virtual machine. But it said something about hotplug scripts then I thought: "it's missing the hotplug package"
#apt-get install hotplug [MAIN UNFORTUNATE EVENT]
I didn't read anything and just wrote YES.
The result: I had to spend most of the night fixing what I had just caused. The package conflicted with the KERNEL and it just deleted it.
I don't know why I still use debian.
To be 'De malas': A expression that you use when you have very bad luck.
Related words:
To be 'salado'
You might remeber mi Que camello post.
God, I don't know why I still use Debian. I really don't know. Man, I'm a gay man. Gay people like things quick and easy. LOL. But that would be part of another post.
The other day there at the office they bought an IBM x3650 Server. (Drool like Homer Simpson) [Unfortunate Event #1]. A coworker of mine insisted in installing Debian [Unfortunate event #2]. The main purpose of that machine was training and development. But since the tools that we need to are not supported by debian we decided to vertualiza machines in order to keep all the data separated and consistent "machines" to work in. [Unfortunate Event #3]. Then someone acknowledged that VMWare was one of the best tools to virtualize machines [Unfortunate Event #4]. We needed to virtualize three machines. One with 3GB of RAM, the other with 2GB and the other one with 512 Mb. [Unfortunate Event #5]. WmWare turned out not being able to support a total amount of memory greater than 4Gb. [Unfortunate event #6]. So, I decided to virtualize with VmWare the first and the third. I decided to use QEmuto virtualize the other. [Unfortunate Event #7]. Qemu is pure garbage when it comes to virtualize Windows. Let alone a server. [Unfortunate Event #8]. Everybody was pressing. So I decided on XEN. [Unfortunate Event #9]. Since I had no experience with it [Unfortunate Event #10] I started to read first. Then I downloaded the packages, including the relevant kernels [Unfortunate Event #11]. When I had finally managed to configure it, after a thousand minutes I started a virtual machine. But it said something about hotplug scripts then I thought: "it's missing the hotplug package"
#apt-get install hotplug [MAIN UNFORTUNATE EVENT]
I didn't read anything and just wrote YES.
The result: I had to spend most of the night fixing what I had just caused. The package conflicted with the KERNEL and it just deleted it.
I don't know why I still use debian.
To be 'De malas': A expression that you use when you have very bad luck.
Related words:
To be 'salado'
viernes, 27 de julio de 2007
Roscón
Here at the office nobody still knows I'm gay. It's not like I'm a fucking faggot. It's not that evident that I am. Still I think that when you're close to me for a while you might start noticing.
I'm not uncomfortable with that being that obvious, yet I don't like faggots. In fact I'm kinda homophobic. I think that we have the right to be gay but not faggots. Human sexuality is very complex. And no human being is ever complete without having sex. We're supposed to be the most intelligent animal on earth. That's why we can have sex without the need of populating the world. What I mean is that we don't need to be in our fertile days in order to have sex. We can actually choose the time, the place and the most important thing the "who".
That, I think, gives us the right to choose the gender of our sexual partner too. If we only needed sex to populate the world homosexuality would be aberrant. But that's not the case. so I'm not ashamed of being gay. I'm not proud either.
Sexual orientation is not something to be proud nor ashamed about. Honest to God I hate noisy gay people. And I hate those "we-have-rights" parades. I hate them all.
Nobody here knows.
That's something I hate. What if a hot man passes by and I can stare at him for a while? yet I don't think this is the correct place to let everybody know. My boss is such a Roman Catholic, and here I have those close minded macho coworkers. I don't know what to do.
I think it's a little late to let anyone know yet I don't want to spend the rest of my life not showing who I really am. I haven't said anything against gay people either. I think that most of my coworkers wouldn't be surprised when they find out. Whether I tell them or they just come into the realization.
The thing is that I'm always truth about that. Always truth! But the thing is that I'm afraid things would change. And would not change for better.
I don't know why I keep on insisting that. I'm pretty sure I won't ever find what I'm looking for in this side of the world. I need someone like me.... but not so bitch lmao. Omg!
I want things to remain like this. But I want to show who I really am here. Which I've been showing since I first came but... the main problem is that I want to be open about my sexuality.
Roscón: A bad word you use on gay men. Much like the faggot word.
Related words:
- Maricón
- Galleta
- Waffer
- Flor de campo
I'm not uncomfortable with that being that obvious, yet I don't like faggots. In fact I'm kinda homophobic. I think that we have the right to be gay but not faggots. Human sexuality is very complex. And no human being is ever complete without having sex. We're supposed to be the most intelligent animal on earth. That's why we can have sex without the need of populating the world. What I mean is that we don't need to be in our fertile days in order to have sex. We can actually choose the time, the place and the most important thing the "who".
That, I think, gives us the right to choose the gender of our sexual partner too. If we only needed sex to populate the world homosexuality would be aberrant. But that's not the case. so I'm not ashamed of being gay. I'm not proud either.
Sexual orientation is not something to be proud nor ashamed about. Honest to God I hate noisy gay people. And I hate those "we-have-rights" parades. I hate them all.
Nobody here knows.
That's something I hate. What if a hot man passes by and I can stare at him for a while? yet I don't think this is the correct place to let everybody know. My boss is such a Roman Catholic, and here I have those close minded macho coworkers. I don't know what to do.
I think it's a little late to let anyone know yet I don't want to spend the rest of my life not showing who I really am. I haven't said anything against gay people either. I think that most of my coworkers wouldn't be surprised when they find out. Whether I tell them or they just come into the realization.
The thing is that I'm always truth about that. Always truth! But the thing is that I'm afraid things would change. And would not change for better.
I don't know why I keep on insisting that. I'm pretty sure I won't ever find what I'm looking for in this side of the world. I need someone like me.... but not so bitch lmao. Omg!
I want things to remain like this. But I want to show who I really am here. Which I've been showing since I first came but... the main problem is that I want to be open about my sexuality.
Roscón: A bad word you use on gay men. Much like the faggot word.
Related words:
- Maricón
- Galleta
- Waffer
- Flor de campo
viernes, 22 de junio de 2007
I am llevao'
"If the dreams all that I got, then I wish you in a fairy tale where you're still in love with me".
Could that be possible, that we only love once?
I'm about to believe it. I just can't conceive that I have been in love with the same person for four years, and I still love him with the same strength I did the day I told him. We haven't even been anything more than friends. He knows I love him, but I don't know what he thinks about it. He just keeps his mouth shut. And when he opens it, he says nothing that really means something to me. From the very first day of our story the thing has been more than confusing. We've fallen appart thousands of time. I do have the will power to get away from him. But I have no power enough to stop him from getting near me.
I wish he loved me back. I've had other relationships during that four years... but I'm still in love with him. No matter what happens. He can betray me and put me through the sharpest pain... I'll still love him anyways. He's the only man able to take me to heaven and down to hell with few words.
Four years I have had to hold on. And I still have empty hands. And I know they will always be empty. He cannot love me. I cannot stop loving him. And it's not like I don't want to. The best thing that could ever happen to me is to wake up one day and realize that I don't love him anymore. (I guess it would be the best thing that could ever happen to him too). But I've tried hard to, and he doesn't seem to notice that I'm trying to forget about him and then we're together in my room with my rubbing his back.
I wonder what he thinks. I don't want to ask. It would sound as if I wanted him to think something about it... as if I wanted him to feel something for me. Which he doesn't. I wonder why my way to him isn't just closed for ever. Every now and then I find a little piece of faith. And then I started to hold on when I thought that my life was over. We've grown up together to our adultness. We were just teenagers when we met. Now we're adults and we behave worse than fifth graders boys.
He actually has a girlfriend. I think he loves her, and I think she loves him back. I don't think they look good together... but what really matters is that they feel good on each other arms. I wouldn't feel just good. I'd be the happiest man ever on earth. But I can't have everything in life. I just have what I need to live. I don't have anything to be happy with. Well, I feel happy around him and all that stuff, but then I think of his life in few months, and knowing that I ain't gonna be with him anymore since we already finished our bachelors degree, and I can't help but feel really down. We're gonna fall appart this time... for good.
And it's heart wrenching. It breaks my heart to think that I'm not seeing him anymore. But if it's not like that, I'm gonna be in love with him for the rest of my life. Be in love with him as I watch him make his own life, maybe with a wife, have children, and me all by my self and still in love with him. We're going through a good moment between us. But I think it's gonna be over in less than no time leaving me in pain. Many of my friends have told me to stop loving him, they have told me that I can't be in love with someone that only brings heartache to me. It's not just heartache, I think. It's sorrow, impotence, pain, tears of joy, tears of sadness, "wholeness", power, confidence. And the most important thing... I learned to love because of him. I can't conceive other but him. I think that he's Mr. Right to me. But I'm not worth it, I think. Not at least to him. Well, frankly speaking, I'm not worth to anybody since I'm always by myself for a given reason I don't know. Which push me to love him even more 'cause he is all want to have.
I wonder if I'll forget about him, of at least if I'll ever stop loving him...
I am llevao'
Llevao: You use that word on someone that has been in love for a while and that is not loved back, and that can not forget about the other person.
Could that be possible, that we only love once?
I'm about to believe it. I just can't conceive that I have been in love with the same person for four years, and I still love him with the same strength I did the day I told him. We haven't even been anything more than friends. He knows I love him, but I don't know what he thinks about it. He just keeps his mouth shut. And when he opens it, he says nothing that really means something to me. From the very first day of our story the thing has been more than confusing. We've fallen appart thousands of time. I do have the will power to get away from him. But I have no power enough to stop him from getting near me.
I wish he loved me back. I've had other relationships during that four years... but I'm still in love with him. No matter what happens. He can betray me and put me through the sharpest pain... I'll still love him anyways. He's the only man able to take me to heaven and down to hell with few words.
Four years I have had to hold on. And I still have empty hands. And I know they will always be empty. He cannot love me. I cannot stop loving him. And it's not like I don't want to. The best thing that could ever happen to me is to wake up one day and realize that I don't love him anymore. (I guess it would be the best thing that could ever happen to him too). But I've tried hard to, and he doesn't seem to notice that I'm trying to forget about him and then we're together in my room with my rubbing his back.
I wonder what he thinks. I don't want to ask. It would sound as if I wanted him to think something about it... as if I wanted him to feel something for me. Which he doesn't. I wonder why my way to him isn't just closed for ever. Every now and then I find a little piece of faith. And then I started to hold on when I thought that my life was over. We've grown up together to our adultness. We were just teenagers when we met. Now we're adults and we behave worse than fifth graders boys.
He actually has a girlfriend. I think he loves her, and I think she loves him back. I don't think they look good together... but what really matters is that they feel good on each other arms. I wouldn't feel just good. I'd be the happiest man ever on earth. But I can't have everything in life. I just have what I need to live. I don't have anything to be happy with. Well, I feel happy around him and all that stuff, but then I think of his life in few months, and knowing that I ain't gonna be with him anymore since we already finished our bachelors degree, and I can't help but feel really down. We're gonna fall appart this time... for good.
And it's heart wrenching. It breaks my heart to think that I'm not seeing him anymore. But if it's not like that, I'm gonna be in love with him for the rest of my life. Be in love with him as I watch him make his own life, maybe with a wife, have children, and me all by my self and still in love with him. We're going through a good moment between us. But I think it's gonna be over in less than no time leaving me in pain. Many of my friends have told me to stop loving him, they have told me that I can't be in love with someone that only brings heartache to me. It's not just heartache, I think. It's sorrow, impotence, pain, tears of joy, tears of sadness, "wholeness", power, confidence. And the most important thing... I learned to love because of him. I can't conceive other but him. I think that he's Mr. Right to me. But I'm not worth it, I think. Not at least to him. Well, frankly speaking, I'm not worth to anybody since I'm always by myself for a given reason I don't know. Which push me to love him even more 'cause he is all want to have.
I wonder if I'll forget about him, of at least if I'll ever stop loving him...
I am llevao'
Llevao: You use that word on someone that has been in love for a while and that is not loved back, and that can not forget about the other person.
martes, 5 de junio de 2007
Bluyiniada
Newsweek, 2/15/93, p. 46: "For years, the gay-rights movement has sought safety in numbers. Its leaders have long claimed that homosexuals constitute 10 percent of the American population. They cited Alfred Kinsey, who interviewed thousands of men and women for landmark studies on human sexuality in the 1940s and 1950s. Activists seized on the double digits to strengthen their political message–that millions of citizens are excluded from the mainstream by anti-gay discrimination. Policymakers and the press (including NEWSWEEK) adopted the estimate–despite protests from skeptical conservatives–citing it time and again.
Could that be possible?
Fortune, 1991, p. 42: "Kinsey’s classic 1948 studies suggest that about 10% of American adults are homosexual, a figure that more recent surveys support."
Is it really true?
Washington Times, 11/19/91, p. A3: "10 percent of American men are homosexual and 5 percent of women are lesbian."
Are they serious?
Even the head of the American Psychological Association, Bryant Welch, testified on 2/6/89 that the APA had found "in fact all the research supported the conclusion that homosexuality... is a sexual orientation found consistently in about ten percent of the male population and approximately 5 percent of the female population.... research showed that across different historical eras and in totally different cultures the incidence of homosexuality remained the same irrespective of public attitudes and prohibitions."
What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Living in a south american city, where almost everybody (not me) wants to act like an american would, it means that one out in ten men would be gay. That's something I can't conceal.
I am GAY. It's not like I think that's a cool thing or anything. Being so is quite difficult itself. And I don't think that anyone actually enjoys being queer.
I don't know... I am a little homophobic. I know! I am crazy, being a homophobic gay... But I'm just that. I don't like men touching me, I don't like them talking to me as if I was a girl (i.e. Treating me with soft words)
I just don't like men. Normally, I just like ONE man. And that man has owner-rights over me. But then again that man would not be gay, or would not be interested in me. So I'm all by myself most of the time ('most' just to hide the fact that I'm so alone all the time).
I'm not bad looking. In fact, I've heard many compliments, and not just from my friends (no.... not my family either). If I was I wouldn't be writing this, and you, dear reader (given that someone's reading this [which I pretty doubt]), wouldn't know what "Bluyinieada" means, colloquially speaking in Colombia.
I had to buy some decent clothes on saturday so I told my mother to come along. We took the transmilenio, which normally looks like this:
It's so overcrowded all the time. Suddenly a pretty handsome man stood in front of me, but didn't say a word nor did he make some gesture. He just stood in front of me as if he hadn't noticed I was there. I didn't pay attention to that fact and kept on talking with my mother. But suddenly I felt his crotch over my tighs. I thought it was because it was so full that the poor lad couldn't move a single inch to prevent us from contact.
But it wasn't like that I found lout ater. He started to caress my back, but he wasn't being obvious. You would've had to keep on staring at us for a while to notice. I was flattered because that man was hot I have to say. I knew that I was doing wrong. I had to make it stop one way or the other. But I was enjoying it. Ok, I know, homophobic... blah, blah... I'm not made up of steel. I've been lonely for oh so long. And the fucker was gorgeous.
So I didn't make it stop.
I thought everything was ending up just like that, but we went through a tunnel and the lights went out for five seconds. And he then looked into my eyes with that look in his eyes. I melted... Then I blushed and he burst out laughing. I immediatly told my mother to get off and catch another bus for a stupid reason I can't remember now. Obviously I got off with her.
That guy and I had a bluyiniada.
Bluyiniada: A word you use to refer a couple's crotch rubbing with clothes on.
Related words:
- Maniculitetiada
- Tarriada
Eplanation of the word:
Comes from blue-jean (which is translitered like bluyin)
Could that be possible?
Fortune, 1991, p. 42: "Kinsey’s classic 1948 studies suggest that about 10% of American adults are homosexual, a figure that more recent surveys support."
Is it really true?
Washington Times, 11/19/91, p. A3: "10 percent of American men are homosexual and 5 percent of women are lesbian."
Are they serious?
Even the head of the American Psychological Association, Bryant Welch, testified on 2/6/89 that the APA had found "in fact all the research supported the conclusion that homosexuality... is a sexual orientation found consistently in about ten percent of the male population and approximately 5 percent of the female population.... research showed that across different historical eras and in totally different cultures the incidence of homosexuality remained the same irrespective of public attitudes and prohibitions."
What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Living in a south american city, where almost everybody (not me) wants to act like an american would, it means that one out in ten men would be gay. That's something I can't conceal.
I am GAY. It's not like I think that's a cool thing or anything. Being so is quite difficult itself. And I don't think that anyone actually enjoys being queer.
I don't know... I am a little homophobic. I know! I am crazy, being a homophobic gay... But I'm just that. I don't like men touching me, I don't like them talking to me as if I was a girl (i.e. Treating me with soft words)
I just don't like men. Normally, I just like ONE man. And that man has owner-rights over me. But then again that man would not be gay, or would not be interested in me. So I'm all by myself most of the time ('most' just to hide the fact that I'm so alone all the time).
I'm not bad looking. In fact, I've heard many compliments, and not just from my friends (no.... not my family either). If I was I wouldn't be writing this, and you, dear reader (given that someone's reading this [which I pretty doubt]), wouldn't know what "Bluyinieada" means, colloquially speaking in Colombia.
I had to buy some decent clothes on saturday so I told my mother to come along. We took the transmilenio, which normally looks like this:
It's so overcrowded all the time. Suddenly a pretty handsome man stood in front of me, but didn't say a word nor did he make some gesture. He just stood in front of me as if he hadn't noticed I was there. I didn't pay attention to that fact and kept on talking with my mother. But suddenly I felt his crotch over my tighs. I thought it was because it was so full that the poor lad couldn't move a single inch to prevent us from contact.
But it wasn't like that I found lout ater. He started to caress my back, but he wasn't being obvious. You would've had to keep on staring at us for a while to notice. I was flattered because that man was hot I have to say. I knew that I was doing wrong. I had to make it stop one way or the other. But I was enjoying it. Ok, I know, homophobic... blah, blah... I'm not made up of steel. I've been lonely for oh so long. And the fucker was gorgeous.
So I didn't make it stop.
I thought everything was ending up just like that, but we went through a tunnel and the lights went out for five seconds. And he then looked into my eyes with that look in his eyes. I melted... Then I blushed and he burst out laughing. I immediatly told my mother to get off and catch another bus for a stupid reason I can't remember now. Obviously I got off with her.
That guy and I had a bluyiniada.
Bluyiniada: A word you use to refer a couple's crotch rubbing with clothes on.
Related words:
- Maniculitetiada
- Tarriada
Eplanation of the word:
Comes from blue-jean (which is translitered like bluyin)
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